wanna go halves on a baby?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
