..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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