I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
