Say something about gay babies.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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