I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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