every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
