I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
