I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
