My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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