i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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