some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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