sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
