You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
