Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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