i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
