i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
