i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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