I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
