In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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