You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
