There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
