So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
