It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
