I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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