I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
