Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
