I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
