After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
