Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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