real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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