He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
