walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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