I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
