worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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