Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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