Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I could make wine with my vomit
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
