He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
