Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
