I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
