Already got asked if we're dating
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
