His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
