i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
