so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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