She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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