Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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