Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
When are your genitals available?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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