just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
