Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
