how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
