ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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