i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
