Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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