This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How does one acquire holy water?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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