I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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